they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
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