I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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