I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
