i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
