Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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