Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
