Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
