I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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