YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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