12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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