I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
