Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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