:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
