Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
