i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
