It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
