Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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