found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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