my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
