I think I died a long time ago.
I think I won the penis lottery.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
