$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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