Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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