Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She tied me up with her honor cords...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
