just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
