I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
