My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
