im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
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