one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
