just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
