I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
