I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
