piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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