I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
