My friends, they love my intelligence
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He? As in you personified your dick?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
