$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
