god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
