Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Are my feet made of real feet?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
