I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
