pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
