? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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