So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
what day is it and did you see me today?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
