I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
