508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
