i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
