She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We just shotgunned beers for America
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
