my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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