I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
