do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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