Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
