Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
thus making me awesome and them whores
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
