i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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