All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
