Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize