This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
